Hi IMs
I think I made a terrible mistake last night regarding my 19year olds daughters boyfriend. I told her what I thought of him.
Quick back story, they have been going out for 2yrs, she lives at home with me, neither completed school (which I'm disappointed with but ultimately her choice) he is over our house regularly eats and stays the night. She's never invited to his. I feel I have to say that they are both quite young in their mentality, most definitely not 'normal teenagers' neither have any friends other than each other, even though I tried to get my daughter interested in other things. Youth groups, sports etc she just wasn't interested. They are all each other has. It's frustrating. His mum seems to be quite controlling of him much to my daughter's frustration. He does nothing but sits at home or is at our house. He has admitted he likes doing nothing and is in no hurry to do anything. At all. He's going nowhere fast. Even before coronavirus and isolation
They fight quite a bit and yesterday I had enough I told my daughter exactly what I think of him and that I don't know how she can continue like this. She broke down, admitted I was right but she doesn't know what to do. She loves him. I need to let her work it all out for herself don't I? Hate seeing her so sad and upset so much I just blurted it all out. feel I should have kept my big fat mouth shut
3 Replies
Yep, you need to let her work it out for herself BUT, you can set reasonable boundaries about how often he is in your house.
My parents had a rule about 3 nights a week.
Honestly it sounds like your daughter wants to break free but doesn’t have the maturity or strength to step up. I’d set the 3 nights a week rule.
I'd actually limit it to 1 to 2 nights. 3 is still almost half the week and too much for free sleep overs and meals . Plus it sounds like the girl is wanting less time with him so with mum stepping in by dropping visiting times its a good start and takes the load off her daughter a bit
Aww mum we are so hard on ourselves!! I would’ve done the exact same, and the fact she agreed means maybe she desperately wanted to say something inside but didn’t know how.
Ultimately yes she has to figure it out but maybe you can let her know you’ll help her and support her when she’s ready to move on from him?
A weekend away together just the two off you when/if she breaks up with him.
Tell her she can use the line “Mum won’t let me” any time she doesn’t want to be around him or needs to create some distance.
Stay strong I think teens are the biggest test! Xx