Update to tricky situations...
A few weeks ago I wrote in about an experience with my ex husband and him having assaulted his teenage step son, who is now staying with us.
My ex regularly accuses my 14 year old son of having weed, and at that time, threw his things in the dirt looking for it.
He often says nonsensical things to me like he’s got dashcam footage of me smoking bongs whilst driving and leaves messages on my phone asking how much a gram is. I don’t smoke or supply.
2 days ago, we woke up to 6 police officers at the door with a warrant to search the premises for cannabis, with the allegations that I am cultivating and trafficking.
The four boys, my three and the stepson, were all made to get out of bed and our house was upended while these policemen looked for drugs that aren’t there.
My 14 year old son who has anxiety and depression, lost his cool and ended up in handcuffs and being taken away by an ambulance to hospital as he threatened to kill him self. He’s now ok and home, but he was absolutely terrified.
I am very upset about this, naturally and I suspect my ex husband is behind it.
The police wouldn’t tell me who informed them.
What I’m asking is, can I apply under freedom of information to fund out who lied to the police about us?
55 Replies
No. You need to stop engaging with him. You prove yourself to the police thats all that matters. Move forward and on without him. Do not engage with anything that is anything to do with him.he can spend him time on itbut he only continues if you are also engaged. Block, ignore. Also why do you say regularly? Who is having regular contact or any contact with him since that episode and why?
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I don’t ever contact. He has a number to call our sons on and he uses it to also leave me stupid messages like I mentioned.
No one has contacted him since.
No when he does that, you take the phone. He can email now. If he abuses that, he loses that method as well, messages will have to go through somebody (monitored and sorted and only necessary ones passed on) weekly or fortnightly.
Who do you have helping you navigate cutting him off? Because you need to do that.
Once again, me, me, I, I, it’s all about you.
No concern for your son, suicidal, in hospital, trouble with the police.
All about you and proving your innocence, protecting yourself as always.
God help those children, a crazy abusive father and literally the most self centred mother I’ve ever heard of.
Kids would be better in the system.
Yes, let’s focus all our energy on freedom of information.
Not sure who is worst, the abusive one or the neglectful selfish one?
No wonder these kids are so fucked up, product of their environment.
Look, get fucked! My son is GETTING the help he needs. He has been engaged with CAMHS and is ok.
If he wasn’t I would have mentioned.
Why not put your name to it rather than hiding behind anonymity, you gutless cow??
Why are you telling that commenter to stop hiding behind anonymity when you, yourself are doing the same thing on here? We all do on here. It's for that purpose. Why are you swearing and abusing her just because you dont like her honest response ? I can see by how you lash out so easily is half the reason those kids are so damaged.
Gonna abuse and swear at me next too are you? Thats the only way you know how to respond by the looks of it, by losing your shit.
Those poor, poor bloody kids. Just terrible . I feel so damn sorry for them living the nightmare that you and your ex created for them.
I never yell and swear at my kids. I don’t even raise my voice to them.
I’d be more worried about your kids than mine.
And I’m NOT neglectful or selfish, my kids are all fed, loved, have a mother who works hard to provide for them with no other income, they’re well dressed, they go to doctor when needed they’re not neglected.
You don’t even know me so where the heck do you get off judging me?
Not this poster, but I do find it odd that a police raid ended with your son off the rails. Its too coincidental. I think this man is way too present in your home and lives. At this point surely he should be non contact with the children due to child protection?
Police raids are scary, even a level headed person would have a breakdown.
He is. He has not been in our home since I left him 9 years ago.
The boys haven’t seen him since the incident 2 weeks ago, not even on the phone.
He still rings and leaves me nasty messages though.
Block his number
I’d be contacting a free legal service.
There applications you can make after a certain number of nuisance police calls. I’m not sure of the exact criteria but a friend of mine had to apply when his mum kept reporting that he was ‘missing’ when he was at home. It basically meant any police report that his mum made about him would be thrown in the bin. In his case it was a very regular occurance and the local cops chipped in to cover his legal costs as they were so fed up with the situation.
Just assume it's him. If you've got nothing to hide just hold your head high. If you haven't already make sure there are orders in place.
Look, you’re in a toxic situation but you seem to be a bit of an influencer. SIX police cars don’t rock up with a warrant from one little tip off from your ex. Maybe the DHS were concerned about what they saw and put a request in.
I’ve tipped cops off for much more than weed (they really don’t care about a small amount lol) and it was one cop car that showed up for the search.
How the heck did it go from a small raid to a fourteen year old in handcuffs? That doesn’t just happen :/ how did it get to this point!? And what do you want to achieve by accessing information...?
Sorry, but I think there’s way more to the story and you're trying to portray the victim when maybe you actually aren’t.
Really?
The DHS didn’t see anything to suggest I’m growing or trafficking cannabis, which is what the raid was about. They found nothing. There was absolutely no evidence.
I’m not playing the victim, someone is making false complaints about me.
This isn’t just one false complaint and they don’t just come from one little tip off. Not with a warrant and that amount of police presence. They have to have had a really, really good lead with evidence. Honestly you must have at least in the past had some form of drug abuse or something for them to think you are a person of interest and worth raiding.
I’ve never used drugs in my life. I don’t even smoke cigarettes and rarely drink alcohol.
If a person puts in multiple false complaints, such as to crime stoppers, the local police etc then surely they’d add up until they were given a warrant.
If it’s anonymous, as our local copper told me, then how do they know it wasn’t only one person putting in god knows how many vexatious complaints?
I've not commented on any of your previous posts before but have been following along.
I'm at the point where I wonder what you're hoping to achieve by coming here? You don't seem to want to take on board people's advice and you get combative and abusive when people tell you things you don't want to hear.
I really feel your energy is better off being directed at fixing these problems within your family dynamic rather than trying to convince random people on the internet that you're not all these things your ex says you are.
I wasn’t actually after advice about me, as I’m not doing anything wrong.
I just wanted to know how I can get the information as to who is making (possibly multiple and frequent) baseless reports to police.
None of my friends seem to know if you can get this information, so I thought I’d ask a wider base of people.
Of course I get defensive and upset.
I didn’t do anything wrong and people are trying to suggest that I’m a neglectful and self centred person when I’m not.
In that case
‘Hi IMs, does anyone know if I can find out who is making false reports to the police about me as its becoming a problem’
The answers you are getting are in response to how much detail you include and inconsistencies with your story which you have posted about few times and people remember and are pointing that out.
If you don’t want advice then don’t post details! Just ask it straightforward
This is out of control. I mean, you know who it was. Thats your question and the answers crystal clear. I guess thats how it gets so wild because people are wondering where your head is at. Why is it breezed over that your kid reacted so badly he was handcuffed. Is that really ok to you? Same as the first post you hauled ass out of there and left the children. I think this is why people are wondering whats really going on.
Hey poster, I just wanted to say you obviously have a troll here in the anonymous section. When your other post went to Facebook you had great support, ignore the negative comments here and wait for facebook answers.
As for the troll, what a bully. Get your head together. This whole post is full of gas lighting and victim blaming and so was the other one. Disgusting behaviour. If you're bored go outside. Get some fresh air. Pull some weeds. Do something other than making a victim of DV feel like the situation they are in is completely their fault.
No one has said its completely her fault but she is very expolosive in how she writes and responds . She is the other half of the parent and being DV she would be well within her rights to get an AVO out on him at minimum. If he were the one writing in, i bet his whole rant would be all about her too and how he's done nothing wrong. Without both sides here, no one is ever going to really know who is the real victim. It could well be both of them.
We can only go by what she writes, and she seems very defensive, angry, and unhealthily invested in her ex. We can only go by what she writes, and it doesn't look good on her part or his. It both looks bad.
An AVO would be a good start if not already done one yet.
If you were told it was your ex, how is the information going to help? Its not going to solve anything?
If they found no evidence of substance in your house, then leave everything be. Searching further on your part is just stoking the damn fire.
Report his dealer over the road and report him too. Sounds like he's doing a lot of deflecting to try and make you look bad to take the attention off him and his little episode.
If this causes such a reaction in the reader, maybe they should just ignore the post. Back out and don’t say anything.
We don’t know exactly what the OP and her family went through and the treatment for afterwards.
Be nice to each other.
The biggest reaction here is from the OP herself. She loses her mind when she doesn't like something 'she' reads that 'she' doesnt agree with.
It's terrible being raided as an adult. I can't imagine how your child felt knowing it was "caused over" him - assuming it is fuckwit dad doing it.
In the big scheme of things it helps noone even if you did know so let that side of it go.
What I'd be doing is first, go to the police station. Speak to them about accessing help with DV, from there you discuss with them how fuckwit treats your son and constantly accuses him of having weed. Create that dialogue so they know what is happening. It may help going forward and if it doesn't, well it didn't cost any more than a bit of time and you could get more leads for help.
Your son needs so much support right now.
Did you tell him that it's not his fault?
Did you keep calm while it was happening or was he feeding off your distress?
Have you explained if it happens again it's still not his fault?
Discuss what will happen if it does happen again. Ie, it'll be the same except the flying off the handle shit, that's just him letting it get to him.
Roadmap it out.
Everyone gets up and moves to an agreed area, ask the police where they would prefer. Kitchen, lounge, outside. The 2 older kids can have the job of comforting the younger one so if you need to be inside as they search you can be.
Reacting the way he did is a large part lack of self control and a lot of that is just base thoughtless reaction because he doesn't have the skills. Teach them to him.
Yes I did let him know it wasn’t his fault. I was sitting with him while he was in handcuffs, rubbing his back and telling him him it’s ok, he’s not in trouble he’s done nothing wrong
You all need to grow the fuck up , what a toxic pair of arseholes you are, and what you both put those kids thru. Simply disgusting and all you care about is tit for tat and getting more revenge.
I hope CPS are involved on a regular basis in the lives of you all and i hope the kids are all getting councilling.
What a horrific way to live just like a pack of wild animals, all of you. Appalling.
Agree, she really needs to focus on moving forward. It isn't like these kids are youngsters, they are fully aware older kids who really need guidance right now. It's tit for tat and just ridiculous to be coming here multiple times. It's not even like she really wants advice, because if so she would be asking straight to the point "how can I find this information out" but instead she's trying to play victim and get sympathy by sharing the shit show that has been going on.
Potentially unstable given six cars arrived to search the home. They clearly were looking for something pretty believable.
I agree to the comments here too, she sure has a lot of answers for everything when someone responds. She will be right onto these remarks next and doing the same thing here soon, getting bitchy and defensive. She comes on here anonymously and responds to almost every comment but once this next rant post of hers hits the IM page, the only way she can answer is with her name showing and somehow i don't think she's going to do that. she calls out the anon posts on here for being anon when hers are just as anon as everyone elses. I'm actually genuinely concerned for her mental health and and that of the the kids in her home as its so ongoing and not a once off event.
Is anybody else getting a clear picture painted by the op that dad definitely isn’t the unstable parent
Nope, only you.... her exes step son is living with her because her ex beat him up and his mother kicked him out.
What kind of mother kicks out her kid when her partner (the child’s step father) beats her kid up. My partner would be out the door so fast the door would probably hit his arse on the way out.
I don’t think the story adds up, I think she’s too invested in the fact that he doesn’t pay child support and knows he gets paid cash in hand for working on his Mrs family farm.
I think she allows him to get to her instead of just ignoring his crap and the nonsense he spews out of his shitty mouth.
Mum has issues, she’s acknowledged this in previous posts. But having issues doesn’t mean she’s solely to blame in what’s happening. But I do feel she needs to get herself and her children help to deal with what is going on. There’s too much drama in her life and she needs to sort out herself and her kids and ignore the stuff her ex says, if it’s not true just laugh it off and ignore it. Don’t feed his ego.
And if step mum is reading this. I hope your ex isn’t paying you child support if your partner isn’t paying child support to his partner and if you’re paying him pay him on the books don’t dodge the system. If it’s good enough for her it’s good enough for you and your kids to go without the support from their father too. #dontenableshittyparentinglove
The same kind of mother that leaves her son with someone she deems violent and unpredictable and a drug addict. Drops him and and drives away while he is in a violent rage then doesn’t come to her children’s aid when they ring her. All 3 adults are just as bad and equally to blame for the 14 year olds issues.
I'm pretty sure it's one troll pretending to be a few different responders. It's happened to me once before on here too.
To the person crying TRoll, I've actually commented on this current thread and i can tell you now there are more than one commenter here as only one is actually mine.
You sound like you are actually the OP then pretending you're one person yourself and that multiple posts from the same person have done this to you before so that must make you right! . How the hell would you know? Only Troll here has gotta be you just because you don't like believing that separate posts are in fact from separate people..
Different commenter....why is it when we disagree with this mother, who only posts about herself, despite her kids having the real problems, we get called a troll. We are giving specific feedback on the situation, you don’t get to call us trolls. What a cop out, troll....that’s isn’t going to end the conversation.
She comes on here to get sympathy for herself, but we have sympathy for her kids.
She doesn’t like that, takes the focus away from her.
She got nice comments on Facebook because those people haven’t dealt with her and her bullshit.
She doesn’t answer them.
Well if there's more than one of you God help us all because you're actually breeding. What a bunch of bullies.
Nope, I'm definitely not the OP but nice little narcissistic traits you have going there.
Doctor Narc above calling everyone else a narc ^^ 🙄
I think you need to decide what will you actually do with the information once (IF!!!) you gain it? Not sure of freedom of information actually applies in such scenarios 🤷♀️.
But say it's your ex, what will you do? Will it help you or your son?
Personally, I think this toxic cycle needs to break. I think you need to persue some serious counselling etc to enable you to help your son.
I've said this before to you and I say it again - sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees.
Jesus christ there are some seriously nasty bitches on here.
To the OP, I am going to assume if you were allowed to know who it was then you'd be able to set the scene for the police as to the rest of the issues going on and they would be able to understand what and who they're dealing with (the ex I mean)
Please take on any help that is offered to you and your kids with local services. It honestly can't hurt can it? If it's not the right service for you then you can stop and no harm done. There is no shame in asking for help. We are all human and no one is perfect, take the help and use it as tools to turn yours and your boys lives around.
Cut the contact completely with the ex. File for a DVO/AVO and make sure the kids are on it too.
You're only pushing shit up hill every time you take notice of his messages. It's not getting you anywhere. It's toxic and not helping you.
I truly hope you can come out of this in a good way and you can all move on and grow from this horrible situation.
Wow, Iam disgusted at the amount of people on the post that seem to think it's perfectly ok to to degrade this mother with a profound amount of bullying. There is absolutely no need to know any more background then what this poster has posted. No-one knows the full extent of what is going on and not is it anyone's business. As a police officer you will not find out who made the calls. They could have been complaints made by one person on numerous occasions, could have been a whole cohort of people. You will never know, this is to protect those who call in genuinely with true tip offs.
What you need to be doing is going to your local police station and speaking with your DV liaison officer, get in contact with 1800 respect and some legal representation. If I was you I would consider getting a avo or dvo in place to protect your children and self, followed by a message to the other parent saying : until further notice there will be no contact between them, the children and your self i as you fear for the safety of the above mentioned.
Following this promptly go and have all contact numbers changed.
Start to consider moving away and having discussions with the children involved about what they would like to do, do they want contact? Do they feel safe? If not would they feel safer away from there?
No is the time for you as mum to break the vicious cycle of domestic violence it's a cycle that is being allowed to continue to happen. It's no healthy.
As for the raid and the amount of police present at the time you will find that the complaint would have contained information relating to how many people occupy the house, the mental state of those occupants and the severity of the complaints. If the complaint was reported with an estimated value etc it all contributes to the amount of police presence needed. It is not a nice thing to experience and you are more within your rights to feel overwhelmed and defensive even when you are actually innocent. This world has some of the nastiest people residing in it. Yes we as police officers get it wrong sometimes but believe me when I say majority of drug related complaints are investigated. It's easy to dob in a dealer right across Australia and just 10 complaints about one place can have the lm knocking on your door. It is a common use of payback get even tactic here and more so then not 5 in every 20 raids turn up nothing or end up being just this.
Police don’t get granted a search warrant on only info received. I feel like there is more to this story. A magistrate has to sign off on it.
I know it’s a pain that this happened to you.
But did you ever think it may be because your current partner informs everyone and anyone that he has cannabis plants at his place. So they may of thought it was at your? And yes I know this as a fact before I get given the third degree
Do you know this poster? It did sound like there was more to the story
Yeah I sure do. And there is tons more to the story then the info given.
Of course there is. You can tell by the way she goes off when she doesn’t like what someone has written. She has obviously left out a lot of information that I’m guessing makes her look just as bad or worse. It would be a guess that all this drama has a lot more to do with her actions than her ex’s. And now the drama of the new drug growing boyfriend. Police raid seems like it was only a matter of time if he is announcing to the world what he is doing