Hi,
My brother in law looks like he is struggling with his sexuality, he may be bi or gay, he is extremely depressed. He is only 19.
He feels comfortable with me, he often tells me what guys he thinks are good looking, he has asked me what giving a male head is like, he said he thinks people who can be bi and not hide it, are really cool.
He is hinting at it a lot, he brings something up daily, it's like he almost wants me to just ask him outright but can I ?
I want to be a support person but I don't want to push him or say the wrong things.
I might end up being the first person he tells, so I want to have the right reaction, so he can feel comfortable to tell his family and to be true to himself and I also want him to feel safe.
He is a bit worried what my partner will think but I know my partner won't care or treat him differently.
I've come to that conclusion because he said my partner (his brother) would probably be the type to bash gays, so I let him know that isn't the case.
So if anyone has experience in being a support person, I'd love any advice
Thank you
4 Replies
It sounds like he has already told you. Just be a good listener
Id probably just reinforce that you wont tell your husband because its not your secret to tell, and that hes not doing anything wrong so theres no judgement and youre there for him.
But Id probably also stress that theres no need for labels or to worry that thinking something or doing something means a label. Encourage his freedom to explore, experience, be safe and say no if hes not into anything at any point. Be honest to partners and not use people, and its going to be hard being confused because depression can really dull your feelings and make things more complicated and murkier, but youre there to talk it out.
Ask him straight out. I once said in conversation to a young co-worker in a very rough working-man's pub "oh, I thought you were gay" (he is) and the fact that I knew and it didn't affect my behaviour towards him gave him the confidence to come out. He had been so worried about people judging him and struggling internally. He said "but how do you know?" And I said "honey, everyone knows"
And the following week he said "I told my Dad. He already knew and didn't care".
Ask him, he wants you to.
You’re obviously a very caring, empathetic person, that’s why he chose you.
Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing, just speak from the heart, you obviously have a good one x