Potential Trigger (Baby Loss)
Some of the background story..
I've been separated from my ex husband of 8 years for 6 months, we have a 6 year old daughter and 4 month old son.
We had a rough year 2020, we lost our first little boy when he was stillborn fullterm in the January. 2 weeks after this I was contacted by my ex husband's colleague's husband to say his wife and my husband had been having relations (whilst I was pregnant with our son) .
I confronted my husband, however he denied any feelings towards her and totally played down their relationship.
I chose to put this aside and focus on grieving my son, however this hurt me immensely. The colleague in question was much younger, very attractive and I didn't believe my husband that it was as innocent as he made out (deep down).
Fast forward to May 2020, and I am pregnant again. We are both pretty terrified but I am also happy, as I'd hoped this would help heal my broken heart of losing my boy. Things with my husband were OK, not great, but come the November he walked out in the middle of the night and never came back. He called me 2 days later to end the relationship.
It's hard to talk about this time as it was so difficult and traumatising. Not only from him leaving but also having to go through the end of the pregnancy alone. Pregnancy after losing a child is incredibly hard.
I have no family in this country, they are all overseas and due to covid, could not come.
I barely heard from my ex husband for the rest of the pregnancy. He saw our daughter every so often, but he moved out of town. When I had the baby I thought things may change but 4 months on, he barely sees his son (still has good contact with our daughter).
I'm struggling.. I'm tired, I'm sad and I am so angry at this man for just walking away. To this day I still haven't had a proper explanation. He had the kids passports handed in to the judge so I can go anywhere. But I have no support here.
I still have to see him and everytime I do it's such an emotional trigger.. I hate him so much for what he has out me through.
Not so much a question.. Just need advice on how I go forward 😔
5 Replies
Wow what an absolute cunt.
Even if he wanted to leave there are better ways of doing it thats still supportive of you and your children. He's a selfish man.
His lack of contact and support could play well for you though if you want to be able to take your kids home (I assume by your post home is overseas). Go to the Dr and tell them what you're going through as you're high risk for PND. Keep a log of when he has had his child and how often. Start the ball rolling to get passports back!
Where are you located? Do you have support? Make sure he is paying child support etc. Make an appointment to see your GP and get a mental health plan done.
Don't know you, but completely support you. You are not alone.
He sounds like dog, however I don't think running away with the kids would be a good plan either. Assuming home is O/S, health and safety of you kids should be paramount, you are safe here. try and reach out to support groups to find some people who can be that family you are craving. I am sure there are community groups that might have a similar back ground, or a mums group who just get raising kids is hard. don't waste your life focusing on what he did. Stand up and change your story from today, so you can look back and say this is what i did for my kids and myself. You are a warrior. Ask for help, take it and grow
No advise but just want to give you a virtual hug. What a rough go. He’s an absolute fucking scum bag.
Take time for yourself to grieve your losses.
Seeing someone to speak about how you’re going is also a good option for you.
You need to look after you so you have the ability to care for your babies.