What do you mummas suggest please. My 17 year old daughter has a new boyfriend and we're not impressed. Is it unreasonable to expect him to sleep in his own room? Our husband and I have had to keep very long nights when he stays and give out not so subtle hints ie don't forget to turn the lights out on your way to bed etc. He keeps trying to sleep in her room which backs on to ours and we just find it disrespectful, amongst other behaviours and was wondering if it's unfair of us or too much to ask that she's mature enough to ask if she's mature enough to want to sleep with him. Thoughts please people but be kind, it's a delicate balance
12 Replies
I'm kind of confused about the maturity aspect of your question but yes, the first thing you need to do is talk to your daughter!
See where she's at in this relationship, ask her if she's comfortable with the sleepovers, talk to her about consent, safe sex and healthy relationships.
Once you've got things scoped out on that front, then you can establish some ground rules.
Now I personally would much rather my 17 year old, almost adult daughter snuggling (or possibly more) with her boyfriend, at home, in her own bed where she's safe than trying to forbid it. You come down too hard or you try and enforce arbitrary rules about sleeping arrangements, it just forces teenagers to be secretive, dishonest and to
potentially put themselves in risky situations just to get a bit of privacy/intimacy.
She's 17. I'm guessing he's either the same age or a bit older. If he was way older or 15 or younger I would be concerned but if they're both appropriate ages to be dating I wouldn't be. I'd rather they be under your roof safe than going out to some park or alley. 17 is a normal age to have sex whether you like it or not and you don't get to decide if she's mature enough.
Don’t let him stay the night.
At 17 i wouldn't be allowing sleep overs either. And even if i did, if a rule was broken I'd put a stop to it quick smart by forbidding any more sleep overs until they're 18. i have 8 adult kids that I'm grateful never went through any of this. Must be hard though when they just won't listen. That's why if it were me I'd put a stop to all sleep overs until they're 18. Then if they want to sleep in the same bed after that i wouldn't have a problem with it. A bit of give and take.
They are gonna have sex weather or not they are at your place or somewhere else. She's of concenting age. Just leave them to make their own choices and discus safe sex
It's now not really up to you as to whether she's mature enough to be sexually active. You need to work out exactly where you stand on this; even at age 40, I can remember clearly being the exact same age and having my first serious boyfriend and trust me when I say we were not going to let anyone stop us being together, and we were gonna do it wherever and whenever we could.
So, if you're not comfortable with them having sex in the house then you need to figure out where else is safe for them to do it. Move her room if you have to, if you can't deal with her room backing on to yours. Make sure she's across condoms, birth control, healthy intimate relationships, consent etc. And keep the door open for conversations because being with your first serious boyfriend can come with a lot of struggles with emotions.
We had a similar situation. They started dating at 14.5 and we never allowed them to share a room until they were both 17, as I figured they’re both over the age of consent, they had been together 2.5yrs, and I kind of knew they had been or were planning to be intimate as my daughter randomly decided one day to go get the Implanon….
We are pretty open about that stuff, we have always talked about consent and safe practices and don’t sugar coat anything.
I’d rather them be safe and comfortable in our house than sneaking around behind our backs.
I was impressed they waited that long tbh.. teenagers these days are out there at 13 and 14 giving it up to anyone 😣
Communication with your daughter is a must!
Do you have an open dialogue with her? She should be able to come and talk to you. Have you taught her about safe sex? She's going to do it, it's your job to make sure she's safe
I feel odd that parents are so obsessed with their children being sexually active. I'd be more concerned about them being safe than the actual sex.
If both legal& age appropriate to each other, don't see issue. My child is gay so pregnancy not an issue but I make sure they know about STDs etc. They aren't active but I know they are interested.
I met my husband when I was 17. He was the first boy I had sleep over. He met my parents and they were happy for him to sleep in my room. She’s more then likely having sex. At least it’s with a boyfriend and somewhere safe. I think expecting her boyfriend to sleep in another room at this age is ridiculous but that’s just my opinion. Can she go stay at his house instead?
You realise they’re already having sex right? You trying to keep them apart isn’t going to stop them, it’s just going to make them find alternative and possibly unsafe locations instead. Don’t be subtle, have an open and honest conversation with her - before your actions land you with a grandchild and a teen mum.
My daughter is 19, and her and her boyfriend sleep in my daughter's bed. I'm fully aware what goes on as I've been open and honest with her for a very long time. If either have questions they always come to me. I've set boundaries and what I expect, until she's in her own home. It's Benn like this for 4years and so far it's working. Pretending it's not is not going to work. You really need to sit down with them both and lay it all out. Otherwise she will 100% do it behind your back