Trigger warning
Pregnancy loss
I had a termination at 11+3 weeks.
I tried for this baby. I loved this baby. It was a very rough pregnancy due to endometriosis. My partner then became abusive. I also found out later on after the termination that he was living a double life with another women, trying for a baby with her also and looking at house with her etc. He was abusive to her also. For 2 years he was having an affair and we had no idea to a few weeks ago when she made contact with me
I would be 28 weeks today. Every Sunday is hard because it's a new week
Im single and alone in this.
I wanted this baby so much I was a mess when they thought I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I sat with my tummy and partner all night crying for him to be okay. And he was. I started to bleed and bled most days, and again I asked him to hold on. Told him he was so loved.
But after my partner became abusive and scary and kept threatening me. I just couldn't go through that again. Im already a single mum with an abusive ex.
So I let my baby down. I couldn't hold on. I couldn't do it alone. Couldn't do the high risk pregnancy alone. So I said good bye.
Its been 4 months and I'm grieving terribly. I keep thinking of the little thing. He would of fitted in to my hand. I didn't get to kiss him goodbye. I don't even know where he went. I don't want to know.
I don't regret my decision but I do feel empty. How do I get past this. How do I say goodbye when I can't kiss him goodbye. I let him down. I feel like this is more of a miscarriage than a termination but then I think im not allowed to think that because it wasn't a miscarriage.
Can any one give me some advice on how to move past this and if that is possible? Some days like today are to much.
6 Replies
This is very sad. You poor girl. My thoughts are with you. I think you should speak to your Dr and get a referral for a psychologist to help you through. Not only the miscarriage but your abusive relationships. So glad you got rid of your partner.
I’m not a hugger, but I want to give you a hug. You’ve been through so much.
Please book an appointment for a GP so you can get a mental health care plan. You are going to need support through this challenging time.
I know you are going to feel, how you feel, and I think grieving everything is a normal part of the process after a traumatic series of events. I do think you have nothing to feel guilty for though, all the blame lays with your ex. He should feel guilty (although probably won’t). You didn’t fail anyone, you were a victim.
Please seek professional help, and I hope you start to find some peace and happiness.
Oh mate, you've been so let down in your hour of need.
Yes of course you should grieve your baby. And it's not just your baby, it's the end of the belief of where your relationship was going and who you thought was the person to live that with.
The best news is that there are people trained to get you through this time and help you compartmentalise so that's not so overwhelming.
Oh god you poor thing. I can't even imagine what you're going through ❤❤
One thing I do know though - you did not let your baby down.
You saved him from a life of neglect or abuse at the hands of his father; you saved him from a life of watching his mother get abused.
With such a high risk pregnancy, you probably also saved him from a life of possibly awful health issues.
It was a medical miscarriage. It was a pregnancy that just sadly wan't meant to be.
Maybe plant a special plant in his honor, or get a little plaque made up to remember him by.
He will always be your angel baby.
And please, please see a grief counsellor to help you get through this. You don't have to do it all on your own.
You’ll need professional help to get through it but maybe try framing your thoughts as you did what you felt you had to do to raise the child you already have safely.
Your baby knows how much you loved them. You baby also knows that you have protected them from a life of abuse.
I love the idea of planting a tree or a flower in remembrance of you baby.
Please get in touch with one of these organisations. They may be able to help you with some coping mechanisms or even just to listen to you vent.
I am so sorry for your loss.
https://www.sands.org.au/
https://www.bearsofhope.org.au/