I am writing this with the heaviest of hearts so please be gentle!
I am currently 25 weeks pregnant after losing a baby last year from a late miscarriage. My baby girl should have been born 2.5 months ago. This time I am having a little boy.
I am struggling every day with the feeling that I won't be bringing a baby home this time as well. I have 2 young children and I feel everyone else is more connected to this baby then myself and I'm the one carrying it! I can't bring myself to buy baby clothes or anything to do with the baby. I can't pick his name. I can't enjoy any aspect of this pregnancy because of my deep fear of not bringing home baby. I guess my question is how do I overcome this? I want to so badly be able to enjoy and tell people with excitement instead I've hidden this baby from anyone that's not immediate family or close friends. I don't want to hide him but I don't want to explain to everyone again. We weren't trying for this baby and had used measures to prevent another pregnancy so soon. Life had other plans. There are also so many other family members and my close friends due around the same time and they are so excited about their bubs, I want that! I'm sorry I just don't know if what I am feeling is normal and what I need to do to refocus on my little miracle!
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4 Replies
I think what you are going through is pretty normal and understandable (not that I've been through it). It's a kind of self protection. I would think some counselling might be helpful, having someone not involved in a situation that is entirely for you to talk to can be a relief.
I have to agree, you are obviously still grieving the loss of your daughter and a counsellor can help you to understanding the process and give you coping strategies which help over time. Also you can just get some of your underlying feelings out and even just doing these things can release some of the ache of feelings you might have. You will always feel that loss of your daughter who didn't get to be here and with some time and strategies you might be able to open up to feeling joy for your son. Im so sorry to hear you went through this it must be a very hard time for you.
please join this group:
https://m.facebook.com/home.php?refsrc=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2Fch...
it is for women who have had losses, pregnancy problem, stillbirth, been on bed rest etc
What you are feeling is very normal, you are grieving for the child who is meant to be there. I am so sorry for your loss.
I have no words of advice as I've never been in your situation but i just wanted to share some love and encourage you to take tiny steps. you have suffered a huge loss and are still grieving. perhaps have some counselling and if you have a close friend you can talk to do that too. I hope that all goes well for the rest of your pregnancy.