I found my teens (16Y/O) FB login details, Logged in was shocked to find that teen is sexually confused and looks as though teen has had threatening rape SMS sent to phone (by the looks don't know who it is exactly that sent them) Also seems random adding of people has opened up a world of predators willing to msg to teen whatever they want, sorry to sound so cryptic trying to keep it gender nuetural as much as possible.
Should I confront teen with info I have found? Will teen lash out in anger at this clear invasion of privacy? Will teen even listen when I try to explain some people can be dangerous on the internet and will possibly hurt teen? I feel so conflicted .....
Invading privacy?
Invading privacy?
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex, Puberty
4 Replies
I wouldn't own up. I would however be having conversations about privacy/predators/social media which I firmly believe (not a judgement) as parents we should be doing this from a very young age. It's as important as the stranger danger talks we have with young children. I'd also have the 'you know you can tell me anything talk' and also include but if you ever want to talk to anyone and you don't want to talk to us we can find a neutral party/counsellor for you. My mum had that talk and it was enough to open my flood gates. I wouldn't do these conversations all at once break them up. I would not tell though because that will get his/her back up.
To try and put your mind at ease as a teen I was a bit curious with my sexuality at the same age and the curiosity went quite far. With me it was curiosity and nothing else and I figured that out on my own. I made some really stupid decisions at that age and took some risks but the risks were taken with contingencies I put in place myself because I knewthe dangers of the internet and predators. I was arrogant with my safety but at the same time I wasn't completely stupid about it (although with maturity and being a parent now I really hope not to be put in the same position even though I actually met my now husband this way at 16 online!)
For how you should deal with it very much depends on dynamics in your house. We were brought up knowing that we had privacy but if my parents had reason to investigate it was a privilege not a right. My mum was direct and confronted me. I was pissed off but deep down had to admit she was right - that become easier as I got older and matured too. I think it did me a favour in the long run. I think if you can do it in a way that is supportive and concerned rather than telling off it is the best way to deal with it. And do it in a way that is natural to your parenting style. Good luck IM x
At 16yrs old you should have access to their fb anyway, exactly for this reason!
My teen and I have had an agreement since the initialisation of a Facebook, kik, Instagram, tumblr, (the list goes on ) accounts. I get the passwords, when I was challenged as to why I wanted these passwords, as they are private. I explained that at this current age, the only private things that you have is on your body and be wary of who you share that with! Not to mention that if you think what you share on the internet is private, you are grossly mistaken! You may as well stand on finders street stairs wearing an a frame with screen shots of your fb attached to the front and back of the board. I would start by asking for their passwords. If they say no, open the conversation about why you think it is important. I also told my teen that should there be a need to involve police, not having to hack her account could mean the difference of locating or preventing something really awful happening. It is a hard road to travel, you are not alone and you definitely will not be he last parent to have this conversation. *big hugs* there is a league of parents who are right behind you!